Are you holding on to these last few weeks of summer like I am? Or maybe you’re already back in the school-year routine, with summer now tucked away as a memory. Either way, the idea of holding on has been on my heart lately—in ways both beautiful and hard. And as always, I’m looking for the good in all of it.

Letting Kids Grow

As many of you know, my oldest, Natalia, is headed to college in a little over a week. Although I have known what to expect from working through this for 20 years with other families, I have never felt it until now. It’s different when you are the one feeling. Even if you don’t have a kid leaving home, we all feel this in some way as they move into a different season of life. First days of school often bring up similar feelings. (Scroll to the end for a positive note: “Teenagers: The Lie of 18 Summers.”)

Is it hard? Yes. I have my tearful moments that come in waves, and, yes, I have woken up at 3 a.m. with a pain in my chest. Yet I have reframed this moment from “letting her go” to “letting her grow,” because that’s the truth—she won’t keep growing within my four walls. She was made for more.

As I was thinking this, Joanna Gaines so eloquently put all my feelings into words in this beautiful post—read the paragraph on surrender.

And that leads me to gratitude. One thing I keep saying to myself over and over again is “It is a gift to have a kid ready to leave home. We have done our job.” And did you know that just two minutes of gratitude can shift your brain state for hours? Gratitude shifts our focus to what’s going right, which in turn lowers cortisol, strengthens the brain’s reward circuits, and calms the amygdala—the control center for fear. Worth doing. 

Relationships 101: A Nervous System Reset

This morning I woke up and read these words: “Find a love that is good for your nervous system.” I thought to myself, “I’m so grateful I have that... but it wasn’t always like that.” At one point in our marriage, we both were not good for our nervous systems. Reactive, frustrated with each other, stressed and tense—we have gone through many periods of this, and it is never fun.

Yet it happens to so many of us because life, jobs, kids—they all can be stressful. That’s when we decided on couples therapy. Because here’s the truth: figuring out how to live with the same person for decades ISN’T easy or intuitive. We did the work, and we did it at the right time. As a therapist who has worked with many couples, I know that “the right time” is the key. At a certain point, couples therapy may not be enough to save a marriage. Someone needs to hear this today: yes, therapy can be expensive, but it’s a lot cheaper than a divorce.

If you are in a relationship that isn’t good for a nervous system—yours or theirs—do the work while you can. So grateful that we did. 

Taking Risks and Learning New Things

Happy to be back on the 3rd Hour of the TODAY Show this week. One thing I said is that if we as adults want to keep growing, we have to take risks and continue to learn new things. The American Academy of Neurology says keeping your brain active can prevent cognitive decline, especially memory loss, and even delay the onset of dementia for at least five years.

Especially if you are in a life transition, empty nesting, or feeling a loss, now is the time to try something new. As I said on the TODAY Show, it actually boosts our happiness by lighting up our reward pathways and releasing dopamine.

I’ve decided it’s time to finally take up pickleball AND to finally start driving with the speed limit in mind (thanks to getting pulled over this week, because that’s exactly what I needed right now!). Better late than never.

While at the Cape, I came across this framed passage—the best description of life I’ve ever seen, and it resonated deeply with my “right now.”

Wishing you every good thing this week.